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TOPIC 1: GRADING ALL-STARS
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Brilliant!
 
NOT! All-Stars wasn't the season that returned the series to 30-million-viewers-per-week glory.

It provided some great episodes and some really poor ones. An almost Pagonging of the Mogo Mogo tribe didn't help. Re-used challenges that lasted 10 minutes or longer choked the life out of several weeks.

Of course, RobFather saved the season with his dominance, his hilarious commentary, and the best finale surprise ever. Come to think of it, maybe CBS should pay Rob $2 million for making this season bearable.

On that note, here's a look at our updated final grades:

Next week, we'll take a look at our favorite moments, plus PAPER PLATE awards!
(I wonder who will win for "Acted most like a slut"?)

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THE ALL-TIME BEST SURVIVOR?
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Like the NHL playoffs, the best players don't often win it all. And like the NHL, if people like Amber (or San Jose) keep winning -- well -- Survivor will be getting NHL-type ratings.



Evgeni Nabokov.....WHO? Well, he doesn't deserve to win -- JUST LIKE AMBER!










But who is the best player of all-time when you add up both seasons? Why of course it's impossible to tell. All the "good players" were voted out early in All-Stars. But if you "MUST"  have a mathematical formula for "best player ever" here it is.

***FORMULA 1 (total days in game): Big Tom wins.
 

* Note: Adjustments were made for All-Stars quirky schedule, and Australia's days were based on a 39-day schedule instead of 42.


***FORMULA 2 (place of finish): Amber wins.

Pagonglover on EZboard came up with a different scoring system based on place of finish.

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THE LISTS!
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dreamerbeliever on SurvivorBlows has provided a handy list of the answers for Episode 12's Survivor Quiz challenge. Remember the challenge that the Survivors voted Alicia "least-deserving" and "thinks they're smart"?



You can bid on each Survivor's answer board on ebay.com.  (Alicia's not available)


  

Jenna's List

1. Who would you trust with your life? Rupert
2. Who uses sex appeal as a weapon? Amber
3. Who is the most honest? Rupert
4. Who would never survivor on their own? Shii Ann
5. Who would you most like to see pose nude in a magazine? Amber
6. Who would you least like to see win? Alicia
7. Who does not deserve to be an all-star? Alicia
8. Who smells the worst? Tom
9. Who is the biggest drama King or Queen? Alicia
10. Who do you hope to never see pose nude in a magazine? Tom
11. Who in the tribe will you still be talking to in ten years? Rob
12. Who has not lived up to their reputation? Tom
13. If you had to choose one Survivor to never see again who would it be? Alicia
14. Who is the most annoying person out here? Alicia
15. Athletically, who has surprised you the most? Rob
16. Who does the most for the tribe? Rupert
17. Who is the most anti-social? Tom
18. Who is the biggest poser? Alicia
19. Who is the biggest cry-baby? Shii Ann
20. Who is under the false assumption they are smart? Alicia
21. Who does the least for the tribe? Shii Ann
22. Who never shuts-up? Rob
23. Who always sees the glass as half-empty? Alicia
24. Who always sees the glass as half-full? Jenna
25. Who would you most like to be stranded on a desert island with? Amber

Amber's List

1. Who would you trust with your life? Rob
2. Who uses sex appeal as a weapon? Amber
3. Who is the most honest? Rupert
4. Who would never survivor on their own? Shii Ann
5. Who would you most like to see pose nude in a magazine? Alicia
6. Who would you least like to see win? Tom
7. Who does not deserve to be an all-star? Alicia
8. Who smells the worst? Tom
9. Who is the biggest drama King or Queen? Alicia
10. Who do you hope to never see pose nude in a magazine? Rupert
11. Who in the tribe will you still be talking to in ten years? Rob
12. Who has not lived up to their reputation? Jenna
13. If you had to choose one Survivor to never see again who would it be? Alicia
14. Who is the most annoying person out here? Tom
15. Athletically, who has surprised you the most? Rob
16. Who does the most for the tribe? Rupert
17. Who is the most anti-social? Tom
18. Who is the biggest poser? Jenna
19. Who is the biggest cry-baby? Alicia
20. Who is under the false assumption they are smart? Alicia
21. Who does the least for the tribe? Alicia
22. Who never shuts-up? Jenna
23. Who always sees the glass as half-empty? Shii Ann
24. Who always sees the glass as half-full? Jenna
25. Who would you most like to be stranded on a desert island with? Rob

Rupert's List

1. Who would you trust with your life? Rupert
2. Who uses sex appeal as a weapon? Amber
3. Who is the most honest? Rupert
4. Who would never survivor on their own? Shii Ann
5. Who would you most like to see pose nude in a magazine? Amber
6. Who would you least like to see win? NO CLEAR MARK
7. Who does not deserve to be an all-star? Alicia
8. Who smells the worst? Tom
9. Who is the biggest drama King or Queen? Shii Ann
10. Who do you hope to never see pose nude in a magazine? Tom
11. Who in the tribe will you still be talking to in ten years? Jenna
12. Who has not lived up to their reputation? Alicia
13. If you had to choose one Survivor to never see again who would it be? Alicia
14. Who is the most annoying person out here? Alicia
15. Athletically, who has surprised you the most? Jenna
16. Who does the most for the tribe? Rupert
17. Who is the most anti-social? Alicia
18. Who is the biggest poser? Alicia
19. Who is the biggest cry-baby? Shii Ann - I think but not to clear
20. Who is under the false assumption they are smart? Alicia
21. Who does the least for the tribe? Alicia
22. Who never shuts-up? Jenna
23. Who always sees the glass as half-empty? Shii Ann
24. Who always sees the glass as half-full? Rob
25. Who would you most like to be stranded on a desert island with? Jenna

Rob's List

1. Who would you trust with your life? Rob
2. Who uses sex appeal as a weapon? Amber
3. Who is the most honest? Rupert
4. Who would never survivor on their own? Shii Ann
5. Who would you most like to see pose nude in a magazine? Amber
6. Who would you least like to see win? Shii Ann
7. Who does not deserve to be an all-star? Shii Ann
8. Who smells the worst? Tom
9. Who is the biggest drama King or Queen? Alicia
10. Who do you hope to never see pose nude in a magazine? Tom
11. Who in the tribe will you still be talking to in ten years? Amber
12. Who has not lived up to their reputation? Jenna
13. If you had to choose one Survivor to never see again who would it be? Shii Ann
14. Who is the most annoying person out here? Shii Ann
15. Athletically, who has surprised you the most? Rob
16. Who does the most for the tribe? Rupert
17. Who is the most anti-social? Shii Ann
18. Who is the biggest poser? Tom
19. Who is the biggest cry-baby? Tom
20. Who is under the false assumption they are smart? Tom
21. Who does the least for the tribe? Shii Ann
22. Who never shuts-up? Shii Ann
23. Who always sees the glass as half-empty? Shii Ann
24. Who always sees the glass as half-full? Rob
25. Who would you most like to be stranded on a desert island with? Amber

Shii Ann's List

1. Who would you trust with your life? Tom
2. Who uses sex appeal as a weapon? Amber
3. Who is the most honest? Tom
4. Who would never survivor on their own? Amber
5. Who would you most like to see pose nude in a magazine? Alicia
6. Who would you least like to see win? Jenna
7. Who does not deserve to be an all-star? Jenna
8. Who smells the worst? Jenna
9. Who is the biggest drama King or Queen? Alicia
10. Who do you hope to never see pose nude in a magazine? Tom
11. Who in the tribe will you still be talking to in ten years? Amber
12. Who has not lived up to their reputation? Rob
13. If you had to choose one Survivor to never see again who would it be? Jenna
14. Who is the most annoying person out here? Jenna
15. Athletically, who has surprised you the most? Amber
16. Who does the most for the tribe? Rupert
17. Who is the most anti-social? Shii Ann
18. Who is the biggest poser? Jenna
19. Who is the biggest cry-baby? Alicia
20. Who is under the false assumption they are smart? Shii Ann
21. Who does the least for the tribe? Alicia
22. Who never shuts-up? Jenna
23. Who always sees the glass as half-empty? Rob
24. Who always sees the glass as half-full? Jenna
25. Who would you most like to be stranded on a desert island with? Rupert

Tom's List

1. Who would you trust with your life? Rob
2. Who uses sex appeal as a weapon? Amber
3. Who is the most honest? Tom
4. Who would never survivor on their own? Alicia
5. Who would you most like to see pose nude in a magazine? Amber
6. Who would you least like to see win? Shii Ann
7. Who does not deserve to be an all-star? Shii Ann
8. Who smells the worst? Rupert
9. Who is the biggest drama King or Queen? Alicia
10. Who do you hope to never see pose nude in a magazine? Rupert
11. Who in the tribe will you still be talking to in ten years? Rob
12. Who has not lived up to their reputation? Jenna
13. If you had to choose one Survivor to never see again who would it be? Jenna
14. Who is the most annoying person out here? Jenna
15. Athletically, who has surprised you the most? Rob
16. Who does the most for the tribe? Rupert
17. Who is the most anti-social? Alicia
18. Who is the biggest poser? Alicia
19. Who is the biggest cry-baby? Alicia
20. Who is under the false assumption they are smart? Jenna
21. Who does the least for the tribe? Alicia
22. Who never shuts-up? Jenna
23. Who always sees the glass as half-empty? Alicia
24. Who always sees the glass as half-full? Jenna
25. Who would you most like to be stranded on a desert island with? Rupert

 

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VOTING RESULTS
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We've received some info from an anonymous source about the voting totals for the Survivor America's Tribal Council.

Can we trust them? Who knows. CBS reportedly said that Rupert received 87% of the vote. These totals say Rupert got 84%. Also, according to the source, RUDY beat TOM in the voting (but at a slight margin). But CBS put Tom in the Final Four.

Regardless, here are the "supposed" results, plus Markopolo's commentary:

Who should win the million dollars?
0% Alicia
0% Amber
2% Colby
0% Ethan
1% Jenna L.
0% Jenna M.
0% Jerri
1% Kathy
0% Lex
0% Richard
0% Rob C.
5% Rob M.
2% Rudy
84% Rupert
1% Shii Ann
0% Susan
0% Tina
2% Tom

Markopolo's note: Wow, I can't believe Jenna L got 1 percent!


Best fight
5% Ted / Ghandia
19% Kimmi / Alicia
33% Rupert / Johnny Fairplay
13% Robb strangles Clay
31% Boston Rob / Lex

Markopolo's note: Hands down, Kimmi and Alicia should have won. But this country is infected with Rupert-itis.


Best villain
19% Richard
56% Johnny Fairplay
12% Rob C.
1% Brian H.
13% Jerri

Markopolo's note: Shockingly, Lillian was not listed.


Hottest male Survivor
20% Ethan
11% Boston Rob
57% Colby
5% Hunter
3% Burton
2% Andrew
0% Greg
1% Gervase
0% Robb Z.
1% Alex

Markopolo's note: The choices here were confusing. The ladies really liked Gabe, Jed, Ken, and Silas more than a bunch of those selections.

Hottest female Survivor
8% Colleen
19% Elisabeth
26% Amber
6% Jerri
7% Heidi
13% Jenna M.
2% Sarah J.
10% Alicia
2% Erin
6% Darrah

Markopolo's note: THE TRAVESTY OF THE YEAR!!!!!!! How on earth could Elisabeth Filarski Hasselebeck NOT be the hottest ever. Lizzie....I apologize for all the idiots in America!


Biggest Survivor moment
8% BORNEO: Susan's rat-and-snake speech
11% OUTBACK: Michael Skupin falls in the fire
7% THE AMAZON: Girls get naked for peanut butter
42% PEARL ISLANDS: Rupert steals shoes from the Morgan tribe
19% PEARL ISLANDS: Jon 's "dead"-grandmother hoax
4% ALL-STARS: Richard's shark-bite encounter
4% ALL-STARS: Boston Rob negotiates with Lex to save Amber
4% ALL-STARS: First Survivor kiss

Markopolo's note: STUPID! STUPID! STUPID PEOPLE! Rupert-itis MUST halt now! The correct winner should have been "Girls get naked for peanut butter." OK, the rat and snake speech is probably the biggest, but I REALLLLLY like peanut butter!


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Marko's Survivor DVD review
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If you haven't bought the Survivor DVD first season set, it's pretty darn good.

Gervase, Rudy, Rich and Jeffy Probst do full play-by-play commentaries of the first episode and last episode (that's almost three hours).

Some of the highlights

- Jeff Probst is an idiot. He is most definitely NOT a fan. He doesn't remember what happen in key votes and key events. He forgot there was a tie at the Final Four TC with Rudy and Susan (before Kelly changed her vote).

-- They make fun of almost everybody. Jeffy really makes fun of Dirk. Gervase makes constant fun of Sean and Sue.

-- NO mention of Stacey AT ALL. They mention EVERYONE. else numerous times Not a whisper about Stacey....hmmn...I wonder why? Hahahaha! (Don't get the joke? Click here)

-- Rudy barely talks the whole way.

-- Gervase and Jeff CONSTANTLY salivate over Colleen. Every shot of her, Gervase yells, "Oh! She's so hot!" Probst is like, "Shh! Let's listen and watch Colleen." HILARIOUS!

-- When they talk about Greg, Jeffy brings up Colby and his mom. FANTASTIC!

-- Jeffy laughs at Rich for hinting that he does well in All-Star.


A few things not well known:

-- The money chest at TC was fake and Probst hated it (this was the only season it appeared).

-- The ultimate tie-breaker at tribals was a physical challenge (never happened though).

-- When Rudy let go of the idol in the final challenge, the producers had to check the tape. Probst was barely even looking at Rudy when it happened.

-- The bar where Kelly had her reward (pasta and watching the first 15 minutes of Episode 1) was actually 250 feet away. They blindfolded her and took her on a raft in circles just to create the illusion

-- At one point in the game, Rich complained about the rewards in the challenges. Producers heard whispers of a contestant mutiny, and with big sponsors visiting the island, MB and Co. upped the rewards.

-- No clip of the Final 7 pic or fake final 4 pic in the DVD. No mention of spoilers or web sites, other than Jeffy saying, "well you know we can't do the final vote taped anymore."


The DVD is a MUST for any Survivor fan. Well worth the $35 just for the almost-three hours of commentary.

If you want to buy it, buy it from the same place I did. Help support SurvivorFever.net, which is a great web site that serves Survivor fans everywhere, by purchasing it through this link.

www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B0001ZDKXI/survivorfever-20

For a transcript of the voiceovers check out Anti's excellent DVD transcript.



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MARKO'S QUICK HITS
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* Are you REALLY a Survivor expert? You better get at least nine correct on this Survivor quiz .Thanks to AdamRich for the link.

* Did you know? RobFather actually got $250,000 for his second-place finish, unlike the usual $100,000 for the runner-up. Jenna L. got $175,000 for third place. Rupert (4th, $115,000) and Tom (5th, $85,000) followed.


Check back next week for another crappy, (but a little less crappy) version of SURVIVOR NOTEBOOK! We'll have Survivor All-Star paper plate awards; a special "Day in the Life of Rob" and MORE!

Do you like SURVIVOR NOTEBOOK? Hate it more than Richard naked on a 100-degree day?
E-mail Markopolo100 your comments.